Saiou no Hana
BL
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Historical
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Drama
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BL | Historical | Drama |
It was useless attempting to hide what was pulling at his heart.
"Yes," he answered guiltily, unable to meet the daimyo's searching gaze. "I suppose that I am." It felt like such a terrible thing to say. His lord had spent so much time and attention attempting to win his heart, while that reckless boy-
Had also spent considerable time and attention, without Shion's ever noticing it at all, in order to help someone who might never return his feelings. Thinking about it made him feel almost ashamed.
"There is no need to be troubled about it." Kamui smiled softly. "I told you before, that boy is my voice. My will. We are already bound together by fate, and at some point, we may also be bound together by you."
Shion stared down at his uneaten food. He felt as though the room was closing in around him. All of this- it was all too much, too soon.
"I did not intend for you to lose your appetite over this, little bird."
"Please forgive me. It all seems really delicious, and I did truly wish to eat it-"
Kamui said nothing, but his smile grew very tender. In another instant, Shion felt himself being swept up into the man's arms.
"I know exactly how to calm you," the daimyo murmured into his neck. He half-expected to find himself laid out over the table again, but Kamui was lifting his body up, not down, as though he were a child.
"My lord," he protested, "your shoulder-"
"If you wish to stay firmly on the floor-" One elegant dark eyebrow arched up meaningfully, "-perhaps you should gain a little weight and make it more challenging for me to lift you from it." Kamui's voice was softly rebuking, as though he was speaking to a child as well, a wayward one who kept refusing to eat the hard-won meals placed before him.
Shion wrapped his arms around the man's neck, breathing in the now-familiar scent of his body. Kamui swayed him back and forth, easily, gracefully. To Shion it felt like dancing.
"I would refrain from any such thing," he whispered, smiling close against Kamui's chest, "in hopes you might only do this more."
The daimyo gave him an exaggerated frown. "Have I scooped up the wrong man by mistake? Surely my sweet Shion would never say such a thing." The man tossed him lightly into the air, prompting a series of delighted squeals as Shion came crashing back into his arms. "You have been spending-" Another toss, another catch. More breathless laughter. "Too much time with Kagamine."
"I cannot imagine him ever allowing himself to be thrown around like this, my lord."
"Not by me, certainly." Kamui pursed his lips, giving Shion a long, contemplative look. "But you might be surprised what he would make allowable to you."
Shion felt his breath catch for an entirely unrelated reason. He stared up at Kamui, blushing suddenly, at a complete loss for words, as the man's mouth brushed over his lips-
And then jerked away, wincing.
Something changed in the daimyo's expression.
"I want to kill the man who did this to you, Shion."
Hearing such words uttered into the quiet stillness by that deceptively gentle mouth set his body trembling. Kamui's fingers clutched into him more deeply. Shion could not bear to look at him in that moment.
"Yet you would not, my lord." It was not a statement but a question, begging for reassurance-
"I have every right to. There is nothing to prevent it, save you." His fingers lifted at Shion's chin, and he stared up, wide-eyed, into Kamui's grave face as he felt his feet touch the all-too-solid floor. "Forgive me," Kamui said in a strained whisper, pulling his body closer, holding him tightly. "I should have kept my distance. I should have stayed away, as I had intended-"
His voice shook. Was he- crying?
Shion stood there, completely immobile, before he finally returned the embrace, smoothing his hands over Kamui's back as a sound like choked laughter suddenly broke from the daimyo's lips.
"But then you had to go and save my life, you sweet, stubborn, little fool, and doom yourself, with or without me."
A pang of grief swept through Shion's body. Kamui hadn't thought he deserved to be saved. It was likely he still didn't.
"Show me your face, my lord."
Kamui fell silent for a moment, then hesitantly pulled away. Shion stood on the tips of his toes and kissed away the man's halting tears. He'd not looked so unsure of himself, so bashful and awkward, since the moment Shion had helped him undress.
"Does it not sting?," he asked quietly.
"To hear you say such things pains me much more." He took hold of Kamui's hands. "Is it so foolish to protect the one you love, my lord? How can you accuse me, when you were attempting to do the same?"
"I should have never," he murmured, a hard edge creeping along his voice, "allowed myself to seek out your affection."
"I loved you from the moment I saw you," Shion answered guilelessly. "And there was nothing you, being yourself, could have ever done to prevent it, just as I, being myself, could never have disregarded your feelings towards me." He stepped closer, pressing his face into Kamui's neck. "You are exactly what I seek."
The man's breath caught in his chest. Shion could feel it.
"It is unfair to use my own words against me."
"Then perhaps," he murmured, "you should not supply me with such beautiful and persuasive words."
The man sighed, a frustrated sound. He clearly wanted to kiss Shion but didn't dare to, considering how much it had hurt him.
"I chose this, my lord," Shion sighed, trailing the back of his hands down along the daimyo's chest. "I chose you, and right now, I choose to feel this pain."
Kamui's body didn't ease at all beneath his touch. The tension there within it made it seem as unmovable as stone.
"My lord?" He met the man's eyes imploringly.
"Enough, Shion." Kamui pushed him away. "You would sacrifice everything for me, if left to make your own choices. I will not tolerate such nonsense."
Nonsense? His still-uplifted hand began to tremble.
"But, Kamui-"
"I am your lord, and if it is necessary to protect you, I will make those choices for you. Do you understand?"
No. He understood absolutely nothing about this. One moment, Kamui had been close and warm, insisting he make his own decisions, and the next-
He gave a resigned nod.
"I cannot delay here any longer. I will send Kagamine in to see to your wounds."
Just like that, Shion found himself alone again, left with nothing but questions.
"Shion? I brought medicine for you-"
Kagamine's voice interrupted his bewildered musings as he stared up softly at the boy, whose lips immediately twitched with a concerned frown.
"I know you're probably in pain and all, but still, why do you look so sad?"
Shion shook his head in automatic denial, but Kagamine's gaze didn't leave him as the boy sank down beside him, sighing. "It's because of Kamui, isn't it?"
"I suppose I should force myself to become accustomed to him leaving at unexpected moments." Shion leaned his head back. It ached with heaviness, as though it was far too much to hold up any longer.
"Don't obsess over it," Kagamine answered. "He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings, so he tries to avoid them."
"I feel like he's avoiding *me.*"
"Well-" He watched the boy's bare toes flick at the tatami, "that's only because you happen to be the cause of most of them."
Shion fell back onto the bedding with a groan.
"He calls me his beloved, and yet, I have no idea how to get through to him."
"I'm sure you will, in time." Kagamine gave his shoulder a teasing push. "I tried to tell you it'd be hard to make him smile."
"Kagamine-"
Suddenly the boy's face hovered above him. Apparently Kagamine had no sense of personal space at all.
"I'll bet he was smiling last night."
Shion shoved back at him with a sigh.
The next thing he knew, Kagamine's hand was brushing against his face. He thought to shove back at that too. Then he caught the unmistakable scent of mint and willow-
This was going to sting in earnest.
"I hate that man so much for what he did to you," Kagamine murmured, his damp fingers gently caressing Shion's bruises. "Not just this, but everything. I still can't believe he had the audacity to say that right in front of me-"
His hand swept over Shion's swollen cheek, making him wince. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Absolutely nothing."
Again, the words his lord should've said to him were falling from Kagamine's lips. Again, he was doing as Kamui ought to have done-
"Whatever you do with your own body is no one else's concern. He's the disgusting one. Not you."
The boy's hand lingered there, far longer than necessary. Shion reached up and took it. Kagamine stared down at him in surprise, his eyes a little wider, his mouth slightly parted.
"I'm sorry I didn't go with you, Kagamine."
He glanced away shyly, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "That's all right. I understood you not wanting to involve yourself in what I, after all, had done."
"I'm grateful for it, though. At first, I was a little bewildered by all that had happened, but now-" Shion shook his head. "I won't lie. I'm more confused than ever."
"Then do as I say, and come to me."
He stared at Kagamine for a moment. This agreement they'd made- something about it was important-
Vague sensations assailed him, all too numerous, too maddeningly unclear. His body froze into place.
"Now, Shion."
Suddenly everything coalesced into one achingly sweet emotion. He leaned over, placing his head in Kagamine's lap.
"That's better," the boy muttered softly. "I don't like it when you go where I can't follow."
"Kagamine," he whispered, "Lord Kamui said something to me, something strange- about the two of you being bound together by fate-"
"I suppose he might see it that way." One of the boy's hands stroked gently at his hair. "Something happened which affected us both very deeply. You might say he's haunted by it. It's something he's never forgotten, not for a moment, but-" Kagamine's hand stopped moving. "It's difficult for me to talk about, so please forgive me for not saying anything more."
The boy had agreed to answer his questions about Kamui, not about himself. Perhaps Shion shouldn't have asked it at all, but this piece of information, however small, was still more than he'd had before.
"If Lord Kamui's men saw me like this-" He hesitated. "Do you really think they'd believe he caused it?"
"Kamui isn't the sort of man to lose control of his emotions, no matter how angry he is, and these men who've been with him so long know better than to suspect he would ever beat anyone, much less someone he claims to love."
"So why is he keeping me here? I've thought he might be jealous, but- he doesn't mind that you kissed me-"
"Maybe he doesn't want anyone to know he's allowed such a thing to happen."
Yes, that was probably so, only-
"I have a bad feeling about it." Shion lifted his head. "Ever since I was a child, I've had certain- premonitions-"
Kagamine gave him a curious look.
“They used to be much clearer, much more detailed, but now-” He slowly shook his head. “It’s like staring down from the top of a mountain, dizzy and breathless, full of inexplicable emotions which I cannot even begin to name.”
"Shion," Kagamine murmured at length, "did you have one of those premonitions just now?"
"Yes, but- it had nothing to do with Kamui."
"Then what-?"
Shion pursed his lips for a moment. "The agreement I've made with you- feels extremely significant somehow. Like it’s-"
He searched helplessly for a word to match his meaning.
"Fated?"
For a moment, Kagamine looked more serious than Shion had ever seen him. Then it all fell apart and he laughed.
"Don’t I get any choice in all this?"
"You've already chosen. Whatever it is that binds Kamui to you, this is what binds you to me. Without it, we wouldn't-" Something caught in his voice. His eyes met Kagamine's. He wanted to make him understand a thing he didn't even understand himself-
The boy gave him a lopsided grin. "What? Fall in love?"
Shion had never wanted to hit someone so much in his life. He couldn't decide whether Kagamine was mocking him, or being entirely serious. In the end, that indecision was the only thing which saved him.
"I don't believe in fate." Kagamine leaned down close. "But if that ever happened, I'd do as Kamui should-" He felt the boy's hand catch at the back of his head "-and never stop smiling, Shion."
All Kagamine's awkward hesitation had left him. Why? Surely he should’ve pushed Shion away. Everyone who’d ever heard him speak like this already had-
The boy’s lips fell upon his with such familiar honesty and sweetness Shion knew this was not the first time- they had done this-
"Do you want to sleep in my chamber tonight?"
He stared up silently at Kagamine's flushed face, shifted aside, at those emerald eyes focused somewhere beyond his shoulder.
"I promise I’ll be sure to let Kamui know, and I won't ask you for anything else.”
Go with Kagamine
Stay in Kamui’s room