Toshi's honor. Kamui's gift. His own fate.

All inextricably linked together.

Perhaps the gaps would be filled eventually, enough for Shion to be absolutely certain of the truth. Until then, although it involved some measure of risk-

Although he might be betrayed as completely as anyone possibly could be, across not one existence, but several-

Shion nodded slowly, never daring to glance away from those calm, impenetrable eyes.

"Then come with me," the youth murmured gently. He clasped his hand to Shion's shoulder, smiling. "I will have great need of someone to attend me."

That wasn't the only thing he needed, nor would it be all the youth would likely ask of him. Toshi might not have understood that yet, but Shion already knew. In order to keep Kagamine, he would have to break this boy's fragile heart and his tortured spirit along with it-

"Why do you look so sad?"

Shion didn't answer. He wanted to curl up and weep, only his wretched body would not allow it.

"Lord Yuma found an altar in our lord's former chamber. You will be pleased to know it remains there yet, with the offering still upon it." Toshiwara paused. "When he asked me whose it was, I feigned ignorance, but you are the one who left it there, are you not, Shion?" The youth smiled at him again. "It must have made Lord Kamui very happy. He once told me the sound of your music was the most beautiful thing in the world, surpassed only by the one who played it."

Shion blushed, staring down at the nearest pillow.

"I am not certain what I imagined you would look like. When I first beheld you, I might have been slightly disappointed."

"And now, my lord?" He could barely force the words out from his throat.

"I am no longer convinced he was referring to your body at all."

Shion sighed. Toshi had always been so hopeless, equally terrible at seducing anyone, male or female. He'd found it endearing once. Perhaps this time, that would be different-

"You are luminous, to your very soul."

He stared up at the youth, feeling his heart race once more. This was not the same young man that he remembered. Part of him was curious to know what Toshi would be like *here*, in *this* existence, one which held purpose for him, and hope-

Shion grimaced. Toshi knew exactly why. He'd been sitting too long and needed to lie down. Gentle hands guided him softly onto his back, rearranging the pillows considerately around him. He found himself gazing up into Toshiwara's face. There was nothing there whatsoever but kindness and concern. It made him feel somehow guilty.

"Whenever you look at me, you are always blushing." Toshi kept smiling at him. It seemed as though he rather liked it.

"I am not seeing you as you are, my lord, but as-"

"Your memories have me?"

Shion nodded. The youth ran his hand along the line of Shion's jaw. His breath caught. He found he couldn't look away.

No. Not *this*. Not yet. It had taken several long months to get to this place before. Shion wasn't ready to face these feelings so soon, not to mention that, in this existence-

"Have you any word of Kagamine?"

Toshi stared down at his own fingers for a moment before drawing them quietly away.

"He is confined within his chamber until the daimyo comes to claim him. It will be a few days yet. I was not allowed to see him. No one is." Toshi paused. "It will be bad for him if anyone knows he is no longer a virgin, and worse for the one who has deprived Lord Hatori of the honor."

Then, Toshiwara thought that they had-?

He supposed it was a reasonable enough assumption. He'd agreed to risk his life for Kagamine, after all. Some errant part of him nearly corrected the error, but if he was to have any hope of dissuading Toshiwara, it'd be best to let him believe it was true, at least for a time.

"That is another reason it is imperative that I take you away from this place, Shion." Toshi's voice sounded infinitely determined. If he ever decided that Shion was something he actually wanted-

"I will bring up breakfast for you. Since you are finally awake, you must eat."

Shion closed his eyes and smiled. "Another command, my lord?"

"It is for your own health." Toshi hesitated. "It has occurred to me I might not be the only one who feels the temptation to end his own life, and if I were to guess how you would go about it, Shion-"

He glanced up at the youth. Toshiwara's face held an odd, almost pleading expression.

"I have accepted responsibility for you, and yet, circumstances being what they are, I can but watch you from a distance, praying that you will honor my intentions. It does not sit well with me."

"Then," he sighed, "I swear I will eat at least a part of every meal you send for me, my lord."

The youth nodded to him softly before taking his leave. Shion watched him limp away. He seemed to be in considerable pain, and yet, he still insisted on bringing the food himself. Did he think that would make Shion more likely to eat it?

This- wasn't the first time someone had suggested he might attempt to die by starvation.

Voices chased each other through his thoughts while he stared out blindly, seeing nothing. One of them was almost familiar-

"Shion?" He saw Toshi's face leaning over him, frowning. "Are those memories troubling you again?"

"I do not wish to die, my lord," he answered. "Not this time."

Toshiwara furrowed his brow at him. "I am well-pleased to hear that."

"You are- the only difference-"

The youth's lips parted slightly in surprise at this frank admission. His gaze lingered on Shion a moment longer before he pressed a bowl into his barely-respondent hands.

"This time of which you speak-"

"I failed to protect Kagamine then, as well, and was brought back with him, as now, only- someone else took me." He sighed. "I think it must have been Yuma." Shion glanced at Toshiwara and smiled. "Mind you, he got me at a far better price."

He'd wanted to make Toshi laugh, to put him a bit more at ease, but the youth's concerned expression hadn't changed at all.

Shion stared down at the bowl he held within his hands. Whatever was contained within it smelled enticing.

"I know he's one of Lord Hatori's soldiers, and therefore your enemy," he murmured softly, "but I think you can trust him."

Toshi didn't respond to this at all. Shion took an encouraging bite of the creamy porridge and smiled. "This is very good. Thank you." He bowed his head ever so slightly, and Toshi's fingers drifted gently through his hair.

"I am grateful to you for honoring my wishes. Are you certain, though, you are going to be all right, once I leave you?"

"All my memories are not so unpleasant. Some of them are quite wonderful, my lord."

"Do not seek to escape too far inside them." Toshiwara's voice seemed troubled. "Earlier, you seemed to abandon the world around you entirely."

"I will not, Lord Toshi. I promise."

The youth nodded slowly. "I will return this evening. Eat all you can, Shion. You will need to grow strong in order to bear my weight."

Shion cocked a playful eyebrow at him, and Toshi suddenly blushed.

"To carry me, I mean, once my leg is-"

He smiled. "That will not be for a great long while, my lord. You should go out hunting today, if you can spare the time, and remind yourself of all the things you *can* do, instead of what you cannot."

"That is an excellent idea. I could bring back some of the game for you-"

Toshiwara finally returned Shion's smile. Reserved as it was, he still loved to see it.

"We could eat here together, my lord."

"I would very much like that." The youth glanced away, a slight flush spreading across his cheeks.

Shion wanted, more than ever, to kiss him-

*It's bad enough borrowing you from Kamui, but from Toshiwara too? I can't do it, Shion. I won't.*

Guilt overflowed his helpless heart.